how can u be prego again
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
