is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
