Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
