I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize