The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize