no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
