Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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