you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
