I'm so fucking centered right now
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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