So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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