My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
