remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
