Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Just puked most of my soul out..
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