The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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