i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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