Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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