I think I won the penis lottery.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
