so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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