I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
