I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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