According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
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i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
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It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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