He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
