Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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