never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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