That's when you crack a 10am beer
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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