Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
