I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
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