I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
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