I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
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Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
soo... how was my night?
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