Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Too much gin, very little bucket
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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