Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
