did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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