There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
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