ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
