i was born a porn star she said
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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