i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
