my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize