Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
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