just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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