That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
