I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
