a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i barfeds in our rink
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
