I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
