goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
soo... how was my night?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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