Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
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