i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
