I'm lost and stupid without you.
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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