god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
