Plan B is the new Plan A
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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