Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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