I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
