Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
