I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
