dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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