dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
