She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
