All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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