my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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