His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
