i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
