is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
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