i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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