omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
