Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize